Rob Huebel The more your face looks like a snapping turtle, the less often women will ask you to go down on them. Unless she's a real snapping turtle
10:36 AM Jun 11th
Rob Huebel What about a movie where once a year for 12 hours, The Muppets get to go out and murder people?
1:55 PM Jun 10th
Rob Huebel Not liking the new Roast Beef flavored Otter Pop.
12:54 PM Jun 10th
Rob Huebel Nobody ever tells you about the nice things you did in their dream. It's always "and then you started putting ice cubes in my cat's butt".
10:30 AM Jun 10th
Rob Huebel BREAKING: there's no such thing as spiders.
4:52 PM Jun 9th
Rob Huebel RadioShack seems like a great place to hide a dead body.
4:30 PM Jun 9th
Rob Huebel "I hate work like McConaughey hates shirts" --lazy rapper
8:28 PM Jun 8th
Rob Huebel Flies are so cute the way they crawl on the guts of a dead animal and have babies called maggots.
3:57 PM Jun 8th
Rob Huebel I'm air-drumming all my favorite scenes from 'Drumline' right now. Don't fuck with me.
1:21 PM Jun 7th
Rob Huebel I bet right now Riggs and Murtaugh are looking back and wondering 'why the fuck did that one guy burn Gary Busey's arm with the lighter?'.
11:35 AM Jun 7th
Rob Huebel "I wish I could get the government to listen in on my podcast" --guy with shitty podcast
4:00 PM Jun 6th
Rob Huebel "Dirty deeds done for a mutually agreed upon price"--first draft of ACDC
12:54 PM Jun 6th
Rob Huebel Graduates, what your commencement speaker may not have told you is that the future is tight as fuck and twice as trill
5:42 PM Jun 5th
Rob Huebel "My phone's got as many cracks in it as your mom's face" --insult for cruel person who is also clumsy
4:35 PM Jun 5th
Rob Huebel Why isn't there a cake lollipops cereal for breakfast? Fuck. Do I have to think of everything?
8:47 AM Jun 5th
Rob Huebel IDEA: a weapon that's a laser sword with a brightly lit blade that's different colors depending on if you're good or bad. Called "Stabbies"
8:24 PM Jun 4th
Rob Huebel If there is a Ska band called Daft Skunk I hope they are high fiving before a show and their arms fall off
12:57 PM Jun 4th
Rob Huebel There should be an app that shows whether the blood on my phone is from me or someone that I stabbed with my phone
12:34 PM Jun 4th
Rob Huebel When I was a baby, if I had known that boobs were also for intercourse I would have been like (needle scratch sound effect!!)
10:52 AM Jun 4th